Crisis Care

I was devastated! My heart was crushed. I fell into the pit of despair. After devoting my heart and soul to the church for twenty years—I felt torn apart by the people I’d worked so hard to build up. I was so deeply wounded I found myself wondering if I could go on. My wife Sue was so wounded, she said she could never trust anyone again. She refused to leave the house, she wouldn’t go to the door when someone knocked. She wouldn’t even answer the phone. Our daughter Sarah, who was at Calvin College at the time, pleaded with me, “Dad, you’ve got to get out of there—they’re killing you!”

I was supposed to be the strong leader with unwavering faith. I was feeling emotions I had never felt before. I felt so alone. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about ending my life. I didn’t know where to go for help. I didn’t know who I could trust. I needed a pastor! I needed someone confidential. I needed someone who would listen to my story, understand my pain, and minister healing grace in my life with tenderness, compassion, and love.

There were four pastors, (Roger, Paul, Diane, and Linda), who reached out and ministered to us in our brokenness. They were filled with God’s love, grace and mercy. Paul told me I needed to spend a week with Dr. John Walker at Blessing Ranch in Colorado. He even made the call to put things in motion. John Walker specialized in renewing and restoring pastors and missionaries who have been wounded in ministry. Without his intervention in our live, we would no longer be in ministry, our marriage may not have survived, and it’s possible I wouldn’t be here today. God graciously healed and transformed Sue and me from the inside out, as He ministered to us through His ambassadors of grace, mercy, and love.

On May 10, 1999, we were given a glimpse of what it may have been like for Jesus to be betrayed by those he loved and taught. Today I’m thankful for my small fraction of understanding of what Jesus went through when He was betrayed, judged, whipped, beaten and crucified.

God’s message to me was clear: “Forgive those who crucified you and receive forgiveness.” The journey of complete forgiveness was a long, difficult, necessary, almost three-year process. I learned that forgiveness is the only way to experience the joy and power of resurrection with Jesus. True healing and freedom came only after I forgave each person who wounded me. God’s healing power brought resurrection from my brokenness.

On January 6, 2002, after I was healthy and the church was healthy again, God called me to leave New Life Community Church and go to a new thing He would show me. On February 17, 2002, God gave me a new Dream Vision and He called me to become a pastor to pastors, spouses, and their children. June 24, 2002 was my twenty-third anniversary, and my last day at New Life. By God’s grace, I left New Life very well. I have been joyfully welcomed back several times over the years.

Satan works every angle to destroy the church. Pastors, spouses, and their kids, are prime targets. He knows if he can take out the leaders, he can damage the church. Satan sought to destroy Jesus by convincing one of His most trusted friends to betray him. He uses the same strategy in the church today. Satan seeks to destroy pastors by using temptation, isolation, conflict, and intimidation. He’s the master of deception, distortion, and betrayal. Satan loves to attack pastors from the inside the church by turning trusted friends against them, who in turn tell their friends and start a movement to get rid of their pastor.

Satan delights whenever he can twist the truth and create conflict in the church. He entices Christians to act in unloving and hurtful ways toward one another. Sometimes it is the pastor who abuses power and control in the church. Other times it is church members who use power and control in abusive ways toward their pastor. The result is always destructive with far reaching collateral damage.

Have you received a vote of “no confidence,” or experienced a forced exit? Have you been deeply wounded in ministry? Has your calling and sense of identity been damaged? Have you lost hope? Are you continuing to function, with the joy being sucked out of your life? When people look closely, can they see it in your eyes?

Heart wounds don’t heal as quickly as flesh wounds. The heart and mind demand conscious care to heal. Healing begins in the context of relationships with people who understand our pain and embody God’s grace and mercy. Healing and wellbeing ultimately result from our personal relationship with Abba Father God.

Our Lord Jesus Christ embodies mercy and grace in wounded healers through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. God restored our hope. He renewed our joy in Him. He redeemed every painful part of our journey. God doesn’t waste anything. He uses everything He has seen us through for His Kingdom purposes in the hearts and lives of others. Sue and I minister best out of our brokenness. We have experienced Abba Father’s loving, grace-filled, Holy Spirit empowered, transformation in our heart and spirit through the resurrection power of Jesus Christ! Our hope is in the power of God healing, restoring, and transforming the hearts of His people.